I think this weekend was the closure I needed. The last month has been rough for me... I suddenly found myself terribly missing my former life. Now that I am back in the mix, even is only for a little while, I've realized that I can't go back and I don't want to. My friend Beth, who also graduated last year, keeps telling everyone she is teaching me about college life this weekend. Somewhere between the classes, meetings, social gatherings, and trying to be a good influence, I missed the college student "culture." I can not handle it, aside from the small doses on visits to see my friends. I am actually, for the first time, somewhat glad I am where I am.
I usually dread the catch-up conversation, exchanging the "How are you"s and "What's new"s is awful, the more I tell people about what I am doing now, subbing, and knitting socks mostly, the easier is becomes. I also am coming to terms with my life and realizing I am blessed and I can do whatever I want. Now, if only I could figure out what that is...
As for the weekend... I am here with many of my friends. I sat at the lunch table for at least two and a half hours. It was glorious. I saw so many people and had some great conversations. It is definitely more action and entertainment than I am used to... a welcome change.
The rest of the weekend is sure to be a hit! SMSU Rocks! (That's the homecoming theme)
Friday, September 26, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Fall:)
I haven't blogged in a very long time... so here we go.
The last time I blogged was the day before school started. I was in a rough spot... I was kind of depressed about not having a job and I didn't know what I was going to do to keep busy. Somehow the last three weeks have flown. Here we are, at the end of September, I haven't accomplished anything of note, yet, I am not bored out of my mind. I have subbed a few days... I clean and sort and sort some more... I am finally knitting a sock. I tried before, be because of the seemingly foreign language on the pattern I gave up when the piece I was working on no longer looked like any part of a sock I had ever seen. This time however... I consider my efforts a success. The sock is almost done... I will add a photo of the completed project.
This morning I was taking a shower and thinking about life. I always seem to think very logically, clearly, and stresslessly while I am taking a shower. Maybe it is like a physical metaphor or something. My life isn't so bad... I don't have to do anything and I can do whatever I want. Things are looking especially bright this week because I am spending the latter part of the week with many friends when I return to my Alma mater for homecoming.
I think the biggest downer in what looks like (notice the "what looks like", I really feel very deep in responsibility and low on the quality free time) a low responsibility, high free-time life I'm living is that I'm lonely. I am never alone, which adds to the problem, yet I feel friendless. I know that in a big way this is my own fault. I should make friends, or at the very least call up some of the local friends I do have and make plans... I am lazy, and shy, and I have this deep fear of getting in the way or disturbing people. I am up for anything... but I initiate very little.
Maybe I should use Autumn, the greatest of the seasons, as an inspiration to make my life the way I want it to be. I should... that doesn't mean I will.
Today is my dad's birthday. He is 67 and the man is nuts! He had a bunch of his buddies over for dinner. He cooks, so there is little prep work involved for me, except that I do the cleaning. The nuts part comes in when I think about how crazy he makes himself. He is a retired farmer and he had six of his farmer friends over. These people appreciate a good meal and are easy to please, so how many dishes did my father prepare for this meal? SEVEN! I love him, but in the kitchen, the man is nuts. He just doesn't quit. And he makes a big mess in the process. I tried to be really nice because it is his birthday, so I mostly went along with what he wanted. The older he gets, the more kitchen crazy he becomes... I hope we don't have Thanksgiving or Christmas this year... Thanks to my aunt all the clean-up is done.... dramatic catastrophe averted.
I am so excited that fall is here. I love it! The leaves, the weather, the clothing; it's all fabulous.
Tonight my sister and I are planning to have a small bonfire... there is something fabulous about sitting around a fire in the fall of the year. I got to this weekend and I realized that's something I want to do more of. We hope the rain doesn't ruin our plan.
The last time I blogged was the day before school started. I was in a rough spot... I was kind of depressed about not having a job and I didn't know what I was going to do to keep busy. Somehow the last three weeks have flown. Here we are, at the end of September, I haven't accomplished anything of note, yet, I am not bored out of my mind. I have subbed a few days... I clean and sort and sort some more... I am finally knitting a sock. I tried before, be because of the seemingly foreign language on the pattern I gave up when the piece I was working on no longer looked like any part of a sock I had ever seen. This time however... I consider my efforts a success. The sock is almost done... I will add a photo of the completed project.
This morning I was taking a shower and thinking about life. I always seem to think very logically, clearly, and stresslessly while I am taking a shower. Maybe it is like a physical metaphor or something. My life isn't so bad... I don't have to do anything and I can do whatever I want. Things are looking especially bright this week because I am spending the latter part of the week with many friends when I return to my Alma mater for homecoming.
I think the biggest downer in what looks like (notice the "what looks like", I really feel very deep in responsibility and low on the quality free time) a low responsibility, high free-time life I'm living is that I'm lonely. I am never alone, which adds to the problem, yet I feel friendless. I know that in a big way this is my own fault. I should make friends, or at the very least call up some of the local friends I do have and make plans... I am lazy, and shy, and I have this deep fear of getting in the way or disturbing people. I am up for anything... but I initiate very little.
Maybe I should use Autumn, the greatest of the seasons, as an inspiration to make my life the way I want it to be. I should... that doesn't mean I will.
Today is my dad's birthday. He is 67 and the man is nuts! He had a bunch of his buddies over for dinner. He cooks, so there is little prep work involved for me, except that I do the cleaning. The nuts part comes in when I think about how crazy he makes himself. He is a retired farmer and he had six of his farmer friends over. These people appreciate a good meal and are easy to please, so how many dishes did my father prepare for this meal? SEVEN! I love him, but in the kitchen, the man is nuts. He just doesn't quit. And he makes a big mess in the process. I tried to be really nice because it is his birthday, so I mostly went along with what he wanted. The older he gets, the more kitchen crazy he becomes... I hope we don't have Thanksgiving or Christmas this year... Thanks to my aunt all the clean-up is done.... dramatic catastrophe averted.
I am so excited that fall is here. I love it! The leaves, the weather, the clothing; it's all fabulous.
Tonight my sister and I are planning to have a small bonfire... there is something fabulous about sitting around a fire in the fall of the year. I got to this weekend and I realized that's something I want to do more of. We hope the rain doesn't ruin our plan.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Summer's End
Tomorrow is the first day of school for every student and teacher I know. Am I sad that I do not have my own classroom to go to tomorrow?... Not really. I've realized that teaching is something I enjoy, but I can not imagine going back full time right now. I know if I had classes of my own, I would be ready, but I truly am thankful for the break. As I've thought about it... I've realized many of my friends took 'breaks' in one form or another after college. This is the first real break I've ever had, so I don't really know how to deal with it. I should take advantage of this time... this time to do nothing, or whatever I want. I have no deadlines. I know that my schedule will fill up soon enough. So, I need to make the most of this time that I've been given.
While visiting with a friend, Kara, this weekend, she used some words that hit the nail on the head when it comes to this 'new' life. I have no clue how "to just be." I've always had a visible, and very measurable goal to work for or a supervisor to answer to, now I just have me and the plan that God had which I am supposed to figure out, I guess. Most importantly, this time I've been given is a time to reassess my life to this point and make some goals for myself.
Time... so hard to come by, I better not waste it.
While visiting with a friend, Kara, this weekend, she used some words that hit the nail on the head when it comes to this 'new' life. I have no clue how "to just be." I've always had a visible, and very measurable goal to work for or a supervisor to answer to, now I just have me and the plan that God had which I am supposed to figure out, I guess. Most importantly, this time I've been given is a time to reassess my life to this point and make some goals for myself.
Time... so hard to come by, I better not waste it.
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